About six weeks ago, a visit to my GP confirmed I was expecting.
An unexpected event for a 43-year-old mother of boys aged 8 and four-and-a-half.
A surprise. But my partner and I quickly became excited (as well as a little anxious) about adding to our family.
We had quick agreement on a girl's name - after all, we had never got to use the one we always had in mind. We had narrowed down the options for a boy's name.
We decided not to share our news with the boys and the rest of the family until this week when I expected to have my 12-week ultrasound.
Unexpectedly I miscarried on Saturday afternoon and ended up in the local hospital overnight for observation. It goes without saying that the fact it was a surprise pregnancy did not make the miscarriage any easier to deal with emotionally. All our hopes and dreams for our third child gone in a matter of hours . . . but always to be remembered.
There is still so much going through my mind - obviously because I wouldn't usually post at 4am! I haven't actually been inclined to post for quite some time but I felt as though I had to write about it . . . perhaps it's part of the process of sorting through the whole unexpected turn of events.
One thing I have been quick to realise is how truly grateful I am for the two lovely boys I have. I'm so happy to be their mother. I can honestly say that watching them grow is the biggest joy of my life.